The Obligatory “What Am I Thankful For” speech

November 25, 2010


You know the one I mean.  Every TV show has a Thanksgiving episode where all the characters tell what they’re thankful for.  It’s not just sitcoms and dramas that do this; the talk shows do it, too.  It’s slipping into other venues also, my favorite being Tyler Stanton’s blog post “More Trivial Things I’m Thankful For“.  It’s exactly what it says, a list of trivial crap that he’s really and truly thankful for.  Why is this my favorite?  Because it’s honest and straightforward.  No heartful platitudes about family, health or financial well-being, no bs about wonderful friends or any kind of flowery fluff.  All that goes without saying.  Tyler, who bills himself as the World’s Most Trivial Man, takes it up a notch and says what we all want to say, but don’t, because we don’t have the…, um, guts.   In honor of his open and honest shallowness, here’s my list of stupid stuff I’m thankful for this year:

  • Skelaxin and Lortab.  This isn’t really stupid, but I’m definitely thankful for both.  Somehow I hurt my back recently and these two pharmaceutical wonders are making life much easier.
  • Mythbusters.  Without Jamie and Adam, how would know if it really was easy to shoot fish in a barrel or whether someone could actually suffocate from their own farts?  Besides, Kari Byron is on the show and, as we all know, she’s the hottest nerdy girl since Dana Scully
  • My Cuisinart coffee maker with a built-in grinder.  I’m a bit of a coffee snob, but I have such an issue with instant gratification that grinding the beans and making coffee in a french press (the “proper” way to make good coffee) takes to long.  With the Cuisinart, I can fix everything the night before and set the timer.  When I get up in the morning, voila, fresh, quality coffee!
  • MP3 players.  These things are wonderful.  I can carry a truckload of music in something that fits in my pocket.  I love technology.
  • Guitars.  Because, next to a motorcycle, nothing makes you look cooler.  Even if you can’t play worth a crap (and I can’t), it’s still worth 100 cool points.
  • Direct deposit.  I know it’s not new and trendy, but I’m incredibly lazy and, because of  DD, I don’t have to wait in line at the bank.
  • Afternoon naps.  When I was younger, I thought, “Sleeping in the middle of the day?  Big deal”.  Now, with the wisdom of advancing years, I recognize the magnificence of a 20 minute doze around 3 PM.
  • The recliner.  Whoever came up this piece of furniture art was a genius.  A chair that you can watch TV from and get a good night’s sleep in?  Amazing!
  • The Thanksgiving dinner my mama will put on the table.  Bobby Flay is a short-order fry cook at Denny’s next to her.
  • Clean socks.  When you’re cold and wet, nothing will make you feel better than a pair of clean, dry socks.  Fresh underwear does the same when you’re hot and sweaty.
  • Andy Griffith and Elvis Presley.  Because these two guys made it cool to be Southern when being Southern wasn’t cool.
  • Country-style steak.  Cubed beef steak, browned and simmered in gravy until it’s so tender you can cut it with a fork.  It just doesn’t get any better
  • Bonfires.  Because you can roast weenies and marshmallows on them.  Duh.
  • And, finally, Tyler Stanton.  Because, as long as he’s around, I’m not the most trivial man in the world.

What about you?  Anything stupid, ridiculous, vain or just silly you’re thankful for?

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2 Responses to “The Obligatory “What Am I Thankful For” speech”

  1. Tyler said

    Hey man-
    Thanks for the shout out. It’s nice to know other people appreciate some of life’s more trivial gems.

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